Pride, Conceit, Humility, Confidence, or Inferiority?

A young woman recently asked, “Every time someone gives me a compliment, or I think I am doing a good job at something, I worry that I am being prideful. How can I know the difference being prideful, which is a negative quality, and being confident?”

Many people confuse humility and inferiority.  They think that to be humble they need to belittle themselves.  When someone gives them a compliment, they feel it is their duty to say things like, “Oh no, I’m not that good, you should see how terrible I am….” or  “Thanks, but I made a ton of mistakes…” as they procede to pick apart the compliment.

Rule #1:  When someone gives you a compliment, accept it graciously without excuse.  “Thank you very much.  I appreciate that you noticed.”

Actually, humility is the the foundation of real self-confidence.  True humility says that there is always someone better and always someone worse. True humility says, “I can accept where I am right now,even though I am working to be better. ”  People that are confident and humble are comfortable asking for help from God and others.

Rule #2: Humility is a comfortable reliance on God’s power while acknowledging that God does indeed  help us do powerful things. 

True humility says that I don’t have to better than someone else to be happy with my efforts.  A warning sign of pride is when we  compare ourselves to others.  When we are prideful, we either end up being constantly last in our comparisons to others, or we privately gloat that we are better.

Rule #3: Truly confident people can celebrate the accomplishments of others.  They do not find it diminishing to themselves when others succeed.

Simultaneously, truly confident people celebrate their own successes.  It’s okay to feel great after a job-well-done.  In fact, confident people know how to be their own best friend and to “cheerlead” themselves throughout the day.  People have a happier day when they have positive self-talk, especially when they don’t meet their ideals.

Rule #4: Be your own cheerleader

• I wish I could have done better, but I can feel satisfied with my efforts.
• I am grateful for what I learned, even though I made a mistake.
• What another zit? Oh well, my hair looks great.

The best kept beauty secret:  Years ago I read an article in Reader’s Digest that said the quality that most attracted guys to a girl is…..(drum roll, are you ready?)….SELF CONFIDENCE.  So stop picking on your faults and celebrate the good things in yourself and others.

“How do I know if I am being “codependent” in my new relationship?”

This question was asked by a 19-year old girl who was trying to figure out how to have  a healthy dating friendship rather than an  emotional “roller coaster”  infatuation.

Codependency is simply described as “people addiction.”  Who would think you could get “addicted” to another person? In codependency, your entire sense of well-being depends on the actions of another person. It can be a real “roller coaster.”

Codependency is at the heart of most popular songs and movies:   “I can’t live without you.”  “You are my whole world.”  “I can’t stop thinking about you.”  “I would give everything just to know you were mine.”  Most relationships portrayed in the movies are wildly codependent and unfortunately, not designed to last.

The following list is used in my Healthy Transitions for Girls Curriculum to help girls just like you to recognize the signs of codependent versus healthy relationships. How does your current relationship stack up?  Just click on the link below to find out!

HTFG I can’t live without him handout

Learning to develop healthy relationships, versus codependent relationships, will save you much heartache throughout your life.  If you need help to build healthier dating relationships, contact peggy@thelightpoint.org

Parents, Teacher, Mentors, and Counselors:  Here is a free activity from my Healthy Transitions for Girls Curriculum which can be used to help the girls you love to develop positive dating relationships. 

 Chapter 6 Excerpt-I Can’t Live Without Him (and other lies you hear…)

To buy the Healthy Transitions for Girls Curriculum, click here.