Open the Door to Better Communication

I often hear, “My (child, husband, teenager) just won’t talk to me. Our responses can “open the door” or “slam the door” on good communication. 

Beware of these “door slammers:”

• You are too young to understand
• If you say that again, I’ll…
• That’s none of your business.
• I don’t care what your friends are doing!
• We’ll talk about that when you need to know.
• That’s just for boys/girls.
• Why are you asking me that?
• You don’t need to know about that.
• Don’t come to me if you mess up.

Practice these “door openers” and see what a positve response you get.  (Hang them on your mirror or fridge.)

• What do you think?
• Would you like to share more about that?
• That’s a good question.
• I don’t know, but I’ll find out.
• I’m interted in what you are saying.
• Do you know what that means?
• That sounds important to you.
• Do you want to talk about it?
• So what you are saying is…

Source:  Adapted from Thomas Gordon (1975/2000) Parent Effectiveness Training. New York: Three Rivers Press.